Perception check with people you are communicating with to ensure the message sent is the message received. Ask about people's reasoning or thinking rather than jumping to telling them what they did wrong. – Dave Ursillo, The Literati WritersĪ lot of the time, we are reactionary because we are making assumptions. By writing out your initial response, you afford yourself time and space to reflect and reconsider all sides to what you should say before you actually say it. This is your instinctive response to the situation at hand, which can sometimes be more emotional than rational. If you have the opportunity to put pen to paper, jot down your immediate feelings, emotions and reactions. Stop and ask yourself, “Is what I am about to say going to move the conversation forward for me, for them, and for the partnership?” If the answer is no to any of these pieces, then it’s time to take a deep breath and come back to it when the answer is a resounding yes. – Wendi Weiner, JD, NCRW, CPRW, CCTC, CCM, The Writing Guru What you say today can hurt you tomorrow. Practicing mindfulness can reduce stress, improve your overall mental health, diminish explosive emotional outbursts, and can lead to greater cohesiveness. Remember, there is a time and a place for everything. It is extremely important to remain aware of your feelings in order to communicate better and preclude reactionary expressions in the workplace. Even if you're wrong, it will calm you down. Practice reframing why a colleague has behaved a certain way. Understand that colleagues don't always know they've violated your core belief. This causes you to have a judgment, which causes a behavior. It often has to do with a value or belief of yours that has been violated. Understand How You Think And Learn To ReframeĪsk yourself why you're reacting the way you are. Consider asking a question to clarify what you've heard instead of giving an answer. One of the most effective techniques is taking that simple pause: 10 seconds to inhale and exhale in lieu of blurting out the first thing that comes to mind. This requires that you take some time prior to answering someone or stating your opinion. – David Taylor-Klaus, DTK Coachingįorbes Coaches Council is an invitation-only community for leading business and career coaches. When we are clear what we want for the other person, it allows us to take things less personally and be more deliberate. People are usually clear on what they want from another person. In other words, when we take things personally. High reactivity often comes from elevated personal investment. Thanking them first gives you time to pull your thoughts together. Finding the "right" thing puts you both in another mindset. I shared that I gave him feedback because I wanted him to succeed. He said, "I think you think I'm an idiot." I thanked him for being so forthright. When I gave an employee performance feedback, I asked what he thought about it. Masterman, Masterman Executive Coachingįind what's right in what they just said. That simple step of using the gift of language will help you reclaim the power to choose how you want to act and what you want to say. Stop the action, breathe and label your feelings "anger," "fear," "resentment," whatever they are. You are not the only one who notices, and it impacts others. You feel controlled by your impulses you don't like it. Count to 30 before responding or hitting send. What is my preferred response? Focus here.Ģ.
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